just when i thought that this might just be a turn for the better.
just when i thought we could start over.
just when i thought i could try to be happy.
just when i thought that this change should be anticipated.

and then my whole world comes falling down on me. fuck.

ive got nothing to say, not much to type.
this whole week, i really felt blessed.
i thought that maybe and just maybe things might just be worthwhile.

and then. it stopped.
not allowing me to stay a little longer in this wonderful feeling, in the midst of who knows what it was.
its true. sweet things do come to a bitter end.
why am i not surprised?
why am i not crying?
why am i not in the urge to care much anymore?

i tried so hard you know, and then i was comfortable, i started missing you, much much more than i've ever had in my life.
so what? it ends the same.
it ended like this when i was 4, when i was 12, 13 and now.

it has always been there, you know, that barrier between us.
they get kisses, hugs from their own. me? never.
i remember crying once on the way home seeing them have what i dont.

i will continue to stand, i know i will.
with you or even without you, its just a matter of being sweet or sweeter.

"no, i didnt go to church for rehearsal yesterday, i was out with my new boyfriend, he got us a room and we totally decided to have sex."

why cant you just trust me, for once?
i didnt pick up because i didnt want to lie about where i was and what i was doing.
you'd never understand.




it ends this way again. whatever.

Labels: I rant; I whine; I eat swines, running in my head and heart