His name was George. We were both 10. And i had this enormous crush on him. It was funny, looking back at it now. We didnt hold hands, we didnt kiss, we didnt even whisper 'I love you' s to one another, because in my world then boys were disgusting creatures and we girls were too good for them. But it happened just like that, with no explanation. Amidst the trading of pokemon cards, the arm wrestling matches, and the unending game of tag after school, this boy suddenly appeared less disgusting, and i couldnt ignore the warm, fuzzy feeling he gave me. The feeling was what the other girls called butterflies. I tried drinking cup after cup of hot water, just so the butterflies would burn and drown and die, and i wouldnt have to deal with it anymore. After three glasses full and a burnt tongue, the butterflies won. The feeling was still there.

Gosh, i liked him, a lot.  He wasnt tall, dark, or handsome (well, none of the boys were to me then.), but there was something in that grin he shows when he pulls my hair during English Lessons, and the sparkle in his eyes when he scores higher in Math than me that makes me want to beat the guts out of him. In all my ten years, i've not felt like that for anyone before. I felt special, somehow, having this crush on him. I wanted to marry him, and in my head the both of us could arm wrestle, trade cards, and chase each other for the rest of our lives, and live happily ever after. For a ten-year-old, i was in love.

And oh, the things i would do to get him to notice me, from shooting paper bullets, aiming paper airplanes at him, and snapping rubberbands in his face. I would go the mile just so he'd call me a "stupid girl" or a "big fat ugly bully". I didnt care, i just wanted him to know of my existence. i didnt need to know whether or not he had the same butterflies for me, all i knew was that i loved this boy, with every bit of my oh-so-innocent heart, and that was all that mattered.


Do you remember? I do now. I remember how the thought that i wasnt good enough for George had never crossed my mind. I remember how i didnt think about how the rejection might feel, or how all hell will break loose if we would fall apart. I remember how spontaneous it was, and how young and unprepared i was for this. But despite the innocence, i remember being brave, being fearless. I remember not needing to find a reason for all that's happening, and accepting that it was just because things like that could and did happen.

I was 10 then. Im turning 17 soon. And boy, how things change. Girls do like boys, and vice versa. And George did eventually grow into a tall, dark and handsome young man (i think). I dont want to marry George anymore. I no longer throw paper airplanes around or snap rubberbands in people's faces (if i do, i MAY really NOT LIKE you). AND IM TALLER NOW.


But its funny though, im going on 17, but come to think about it, i think i've never come close to what i felt when i was 10. I just remembered that for the past 7 years, i dont remember having another George. Maybe, just maybe my hormones are dysfunctional.

oh, awesome possum.

this is such nonsense. pfffffffffffffft. i wish i had a life to write about.

Labels: me, running in my head and heart, writing the unwritten

Labels: everyday's bits and pieces, me, writing the unwritten