A Ninny's Pace.

On My Way.

Hey. I hope that while you are reading this, there's no judgement. I write to express. And that's all there is to this. I hope that somewhere in this heap of words you'll find something. We're all just finding ourselves out there, but we needn't do it alone.
I wish you love.

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Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Before 2 am

Okay. Let's try to get this posted by 2am.

So, I've survived my first Christmas away from home, and my first uni examinations! Yay I am titanium/bulletproof/all that jazz. The exams went alright, and i hope the results would somehow reflect that. I'm kind of worried for LMS but it's over now and there's nothing I can do, so booyou exams booyou, you are not affecting me.

The new semester has just begun and it's finally feeling like the new year. I think it's going to feel like this from now on. February will be the start of the new year. I have certain things in mind that I'd like to get done this year. Now all I need to do is get my ass off. And I will, I hope. It was nice cleaning my room for the new semester! Moved some stuff around so it feels like there's more space now! Could have a few friends over now with space on the floor for everyone, so that's good. The new year and term looks challenging, but then I am excited! Let's hope this feeling continues and sustains me through the term. I am still incredibly grateful for everything I've received/ all the people I've met/ all the opportunities I've been given. Thank you God.

Just randomly writing cos I'm a bit tipsy+incredibly sleepy. It's like you're on the verge of collapsing but then all these thoughts come to your mind and you'd like to think of them. Delirium. Doesnt help that Kodaline is so damn sad/good at the same time. So like all these emotions/homesickness is getting to me. Speaking of home sickness, I've really thought about where my "home" really was. Sometimes I think Malaysia, but most times I think it's Singapore. And other times I see myself calling Manchester my home. I guess I adapt pretty well, huh. I'm young, I'll figure it out. No pressure.

I'm feeling sleepy. And i bet nothing I wrote above made sense. I'll try harder tomorrow.

Labels: blooped., everyday's bits and pieces

09:47

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Hello world.

Hello everyone. So i havent been writing anything for such a long time. I havent even been writing anything in my head. I am all blanked out.

Yet, i dont want to lose this part of me in the Internet. This place has been solace for such a long time, and to have something as a testament of the days I've lived through and the growth, this is precious.

So a little update on what's been happening:

I've been teaching! I'm currently teaching primary school kids. I started out thinking this would be easy because I generally do really well with kids but lo and behold, I was wrong. Being a teacher is difficult and it's not just the marking, it's the kids. I'm still really determined to not punish anyone, but by the way things are going, it certainly seems that I need to be scarier. Nonetheless the experience is rewarding, though I'm sure I'd probably not be a teacher, not at this level anyway. To see my students differentiating "an amount of" from "a number of" does make one feel somewhat happy and proud. Well, here's to another month (or more?) of teaching. The pay is quite good given the amount of hours I'm putting in and the incredible internet speed accessible, so maybe I'll stay for a little while longer.
Well, despite the job. I've been pretty much slacking at home. Going to start my driving lessons and hopefully by the end of 2 months, I'll be driving! Taking my first ride on a car with Joshua just made me felt different and all grown up. (We ARE all grown up, see point 3 ) Speaking of learning, also taking French classes out of interest. It is more difficult than I thought it would be, and the perception that it's similar to English is total bull because French is so specific, there are so many linguistic rules! Back to the point, I'm kind of enjoying myself at home. Good food, good people, and the license to be lazy all day long.
Caught up also with friends, from the gang from primary school to even Matthew, it all seems surreal. One moment we're 10 years old and playing catch around the school compound and then 10 years later here we are going off to different places, chasing our own dreams. The feeling is so alien, like we (I) dont fit in anywhere at all, like we're (i'm) all just a work in progress. (It could be just me.) Also made me realise how temporary everything is, people come people go, and sometimes, when we're really lucky, we might just meet again. (Yet, when this happens, we no longer know what to say/do.)
Wondered who I really am actually, because I always catch myself drifting in and out of character. What character am I anyway? I feel like I might just be playing multiple roles and can't decide which one I really love enough to stick through with it. I sound senile.
Parents been mentioning about university and the a-level results. The mention of "sitting down and talk about where I want to go" keep resurfacing. I think they dont understand that I know what I want to do and just refuse to try to. It's like they dont hear me at all, like they only see the mould that they assume I should fit perfectly in. And more honestly, I'm tired of talking/listening about it. I'll just take it as it comes. ~~The recurring dreams of my Alevel Certificate have been unnerving enough.~~
Birthday's in 3 days and Valentine's in 5. Getting older by the year but I dont feel wiser. Maybe a little more jaded and a little more empty. When I was younger I took pride in my youth, but now that it's slowly slipping away, I feel kind of powerless. But there's a few more 19 years to come (I hope), and I know things will work itself out.
I think I miss Singapore/School/Some People.

So that was random word vomit on what's been happening. I'm sorry if I sound a little sad or anything, I assure you I'm not! Probably just being overly pensive.

This post probably made up for the mandatory inspiring post I usually post at the start of every year, albeit less optimistic.

I will try my best to write more. I miss writing, I miss feeling strongly.

So you've wandered long enough, time to come home and tell me everything.

Labels: everyday's bits and pieces, word vomit.

00:41

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Have a Little Faith

So all the major papers are done. All that's left is Physics and Chemistry MCQ Papers. ( Yes, they do have the highest percentage of marks allocated. I will drag myself to the library to study, I will.)

I've been pining for this time to come around since the start of the year. And I am grateful. For the past 2 months I've been blessed with the support I hadnt imagined I'd have. When I doubted, I was reassured, and for someone who has been struggling even after prelims, I think I've come pretty far. So I'll leave the rest to God. Because He will give me the grades that will glorify Him. And above all else, I am eternally grateful for the people I've held close. I really cannot imagine how things would turn out without anyone.

So here we are, the crossroad, the in-between of Here and There. Like I told Rachel the other day as I was packing, it was really overwhelming to be here right now, unsure about How To Get There. Well, hope and pray. We've gone through so much, we're already on our way. Betting on that.

For now I'm just going to have a little faith, sit down, and start planning. But before that, Chuck Bartowski, here I come.